Love Blog 01: What Is In You?

From the day that I’ve met you, I never thought that you will be that person who will mean the world to me. You are just an ordinary colleague which I occasionally got a chance to mingle with. We had different set of teams and friends.

A day, a week or even months of not talking to you is just normal for both of us. But as days passed by, we often see each other but only because of work. Suddenly, the way you talk, laugh and the way you joke around with the others caught my attention. You made me wonder what’s in with you that out of that bunch of people I found myself looking and wanting to hear words from you. What’s in those eyes that I kept staring at, what’s in your laughter that I am now wishing to hear it every day and what’s in those funny moments that I am looking for another day at work. Until there come those nights that I was wondering how to be your girlfriend, how to be that someone who is very special for you. Then, I took a great leap of faith, luck and confidence. I tried conversing with you personally and right then, we frequently talk to each other, almost every day we are exchanging questions, thoughts and stories of how was our day went by. Every time I get to know you even better, the more I realized that you are not just an ordinary person. You are amazing, you are fun to be with, you are totally handsome inside and out and someone must be very lucky to have you.

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And yes, there’s this someone who is really lucky to have you but then she broke you into a million pieces. I’ve witnessed your hardships and brokenness because of her. I was there all the time, I was always there for you. Every tear you’ve shed, days that you refuse to eat from breakfast to dinner, every time you will tell me that you don’t want to work anymore. My heart shattered seeing you like that while she was shattering yours. And that day I prayed to God to give me strength and a strong heart to protect you, to never leave you sad and alone. Now that my happiness relies on you, the same way that my heart is breaking when yours is breaking too. And the only thing I can do about it is just by staying at your side and hoping that you will forget all these pain away.

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Months passed by, you slowly cope with what happened. We usually go out for a dinner, having snacks in the middle of work, going to different places and trying new things. I even shared Holidays and birthday with you. That time I was in the verge of happiness for I thought you already moved on and we are starting a new life because I was starting mine with you. That feeling when there is something that you were dreaming of and wishing for all your life was given to you, all you want to do is to think of all the positive things and never thought of it being taken away from you. But it was too late to realize that I was blinded by all the hopes and false happiness, and you were bitten by bit taken away from me by the girl who once broke you. You even said to me that letting you go would make you happy, what can I do, I don’t want to be selfish by not letting you be happy with your decisions. I broke my own promise to myself and to our God, I left. I leave you with her. I couldn’t understand how you will still love someone who hurt you so much and who almost killed you inside, until I was feeling the same way. I still loved you at the time you left me, even after you choose her over me, even after I gave parts of my heart just for yours to be whole again. That time I was left with nothing and I still loved you by then. Starting to ask again what’s in you that I have all the reasons to get angry and yet I didn’t. What’s in you that even after leaving me I still wish you happiness and prayers that I will never see you in tears again because of her. But I stay optimistic that will be the last, for I know she will never let that chance you gave her to slip away.

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So I started gaining back myself, my lost friends and even my family who has been there for me but I took them for granted. I’ve tried to look for another job, start a fresh beginning. I tried going to different restaurants, new places and making friends with the others. And loving myself even more. My life at that time was more of focusing into myself and surrendering it to God. But there are times when I’m trying something new it all goes down to the memory of you, to the memory of us. I couldn’t resist thinking of you, how your day was, have you eaten you lunch, are you feeling sad, alone or happy. Again, hearing your stories about her made me feel bad about our decision. But I kept on praying that things would work out for you and for her because as what you’ve said that will make you happy.

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Then one night, you told me that your relationship with her ended. Call me dumb or whatever you wanted to call me but I never think twice of helping you, of helping you fix yourself again. All along your moving on process I was there for you. Again, I’ve seen you in tears, in pain. Then I prayed to God, to heal you and heal me as well. For now I know that I couldn’t do anything about it, it is now His plan and I will let Him.

After a few months, we started our relationship though it is far from being perfect but it is the relationship that I’ve been praying for. We had our little fights that didn’t last long for 6 hours. We exchange I love you’s often as possible. I miss you’s after even just saying goodbye. We travel a lot and even eat a lot. Tried even more exotic and breathtaking adventures. Sharing each other’s families. Planning of future together. You are more than I ask for, you are a gift to me. You are a blessing.

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Truly God has a way of saying ’no’ to us but his plans are way better than ours. Maybe he let us experienced struggles for us to realize what is really worth it. He didn’t gave me you at the time I wanted you most for He has His reasons, he was fixing you. Also, I was not given to you because He taught me to love myself first before others. And when He is done on fixing you and teaching me, He let our faith meet again. After all this time, it is now the time of God’s saying ‘Yes!’ to us, to our relationship.

Maybe it is not what is in you but it is what with His plan for us. God is amazing!

With love,

Amicah

This is an entry to Claire Delfin Media’s ‘Spread The Love Blog’ Promo. The entry with the most number of views will win a roundtrip ticket for two to Cebu via Philippine Airlines, and a two-night stay with free breakfast at Marco Polo Plaza.


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Ma. Amicah Cara
I am Ma. Amicah Cara, licensed electronics engineer. 25 years old from Malolos, Bulacan.

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