For the record, this is not a review of the movie. There are already a million and one reviews written on the Interwebz so it’s best not to add to that list.
These are the rambling of an avid Marvel’s fan (the TV and movie versions, not the comic books) who had seen every single episode and movie related to Marvel in the last decade. From Thor to Ironman, to Agents of SHIELD and the Runaways, I have watched them all.
When they said these might be the last two movies in the Avengers universe, I wept in silent desperation. So I dragged my unwilling hubby to the cinema, threatened him with divorce if he said something bad about the movie and mixed some bourbon with my Coke Zero to prepare for the cinematic experience.
Here are the thoughts that went through my head while watching – in random order (blame the bourbon):
- Bruce Banner really is useless without the Hulk eh? (And who is the Avenger? Hulk or Banner?)
- Thanos is severely misunderstood. Why couldn’t Gamora have guided her adoptive father and convinced him to have a specific selection for his psychotic need for genocide? You know, maybe start with the terrorists, rapists and child abusers instead of randomly turning half the population into dust.
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- Why isn’t Black Widow dead yet? She’s just human, isn’t she? How come no matter how much the aliens beat her up she still stands up like an MMA fighter on crack? Are all Russian fighters like that?
- If anyone close to Tony Stark can wear the Iron Man suit why is he the only one called Iron Man? Shouldn’t it be Iron Men and Women (did a woman every wear the suit in the movies)? Or the Iron Group?
- Captain America is now super hot after being a fugitive for two years. Therefore I conclude that the hotness level of superheroes triple when they become bad boys. He should have done it ages ago.
- Thanos, the most powerful being in the universe, prefers to retire in a Bahay Kubo on top of the rice terraces. I guess the Philippine tourism efforts have reached the outermost layers of the cosmos because Thanos definitely knew that a sunrise is more fun in the Philippines.
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- Nothing in this universe can kill Thor. I mean, I love the character but OMG, even a direct hit from a star could not kill him. He was a bit singed in some parts but that’s about it. Even his outfit survived (what are his clothes made of anyway?!).
- Everyone is going to come back to life. They just have to. I have a feeling the second half of the movie is going to be like the end of the fourth Twilight movie where they made you believe everyone died but then it turned out they just pranked you big time. If not, then just bring Loki back to life. I don’t care about the rest of them.
- None of these actors in the Marvel universe are ever going to get movie roles with the same epic box office weight as the movies they’ve done for this franchise. But they’ll be rolling around in royalty money. Somehow I don’t think they’ll care.
- It was a depressing ending that felt heavy — reminiscent of the feeling I had after the first part of the Harry Potter Deathly Hollows – when Dobby the elf dies after saving the team and we had to wait an entire year to see the happy ending.
I need more bourbon.
Banner Photo from GameSpot
Kristyn M. Levis is a freelance writer, author and photographer based in Sydney. She is currently the managing editor of Her Collective and creative director of 3C Digital. Her first novel, The Girl Between Two Worlds, was published in 2016. Book two, The Girl Between Light and Dark, is set for release this year.